What quality do you value most in a friend?
The title is the quality I value most. Until my brain injury, I believed I had friends who’d be there in sickness not just health. Until the Y2K car crash, I didn’t think about how important it is to remember the person that was before sickness and believe they’re still in there and worth restoring.
Brain injury disabused me of friendship.
Some friends left after a year; some after five. Some ghosted me. Some peeked into my life now and then to declare they were here for me, but just like Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, they were not. They only stuck around long enough to see if I was better yet. Nope. Back to temporary ghosting until permanently gone.
What not a single person did, family or friend, except for the prophet who prayed for me, was believe — and stick with me in that belief, not just do a few prayers then not check in or respond — that God would heal me fully. I guess because none had that belief, they didn’t use their education, intelligence, and networks to look for help for me when I was immersed full time in medical care but not substantially improving brain wise.
My belief stems from my Zoroastrian side that states we walk hand in hand with God — God gave us the talents and skills to help others and contribute to Their plan. And my belief also stems from my Christian side that states Jesus is our Advocate and whatever we ask of God in Jesus’s name, God will grant. Of course, the caveat is that God grants according to Their purposes not our wants. But Jesus also rebuked one who asked him if he wanted to heal him. “Of course, I do!” was pretty much Jesus’s reply.
I guess, then, that’s why I was certain God would heal me fully. I would be healed through me seeking those who had the skills and me doing the required work no matter how taxing and God leading me to them and opening doors such as when I found the ADD Centre. Dr. Michael Thompson answered (which he rarely if ever did) when I called, spoke to me for quite awhile until I was convinced this was the way, and slotted me in to an unexpected cancellation 3 months or more earlier than their normal wait time. I did the work by Googling daily for 2 years; God opened the door suddenly.
That was only one of many examples in my life. I know some will say, well, that’s a coincidence. Except that when people relate these stories from the professional’s side, they always do so with wonder and astonishment, even decades later. As one psychologist told me, he doesn’t believe in coincidences but in God-incidences. They’re just too out there.
So how did God-believing and agnostic alike respond to what I thought was heaven-sent treatment at the ADD Centre? “You’re being scammed.” A shrug. “Get on with your life.” Ghosting harder.
Where would I have been if only one friend or relative had remembered who I was before brain injury, believed I and God hand in hand would get me back to who I used to be (recognizing my life would be different regardless), and supported me emotionally, practically, and cognitively in that belief so as to be part of my healing journey? Or where would I have been if one health care professional — even my neurodoc — had believed God, me, and them hand in hand would get me fully better? Not in this neverending psychic pain, that’s for sure!
But then I guess I wouldn’t have researched and written Brain Injury, Trauma, and Grief: How to Heal When You Are Alone!
(Contrary to popular belief, far more psychologists and psychiatrists believe in God and know we’re more than material beings.)
