On the advice of Mind Alive to drink a glass of water 20 minutes before gamma audiovisual entrainment, I made sure I didn’t dally between drinking water and eating and starting this session, this time. Had a bit of eye set trouble. Almost gave up. But switched eye sets, checked lights were on, then closed eyes, and slid them on. I’d already turned tones off. Pulse Tones too rapid for my tolerance, and binaural and monaural beats are just UGH. So I listened to the radio, and in my ears, the heartbeat of heart rate variability.
I was dizzy at first and with each transition upward and also as it ramped down toward soft off. I only knew it was off when the heartbeat stopped because only rarely could I perceive the lights with my eyes closed. And I wasn’t about to open them for fear of headache. Also, with each transition upward, after the dizziness/woozy began, a headache appeared like some roving creature between my scalp and skull, moving over top then down my left side near the ear then gone with most of the dizziness. I tell you, audiovisual entrainment sometimes gives the strangest sensations. But unlike drugs, they don’t last long. I got the feeling that my vagus nerve was being activated, not because I could feel the nerve or had nerve pain, but because the things it innervates responded . . . or the muscles over its meandering course expanded or in my abdomen contracted with pain. Then gone. At one point, felt heat flowing up into my head. All those sensations disappeared and only dizzy reappeared with downward transition to off.
Happy gamma appeared in a mild form. Calm. I didn’t really have deep relaxation, with my limbs being heavy, only toward the end for a little bit. Instead, I felt like I was sliding into a still pool. I became one with the stillness all around me that had nothing to do with my physical environment. That sense came and went a couple of times, and I felt that though I didn’t stay there, I exited the oneness retaining the stillness.
I came close to sleep. My perception widened but not obviously; only after the session ended did I realize I had a wider visual field and clearer. (My eyes in the mirror looked bigger and very present like after 40Hz . . . reminded me of something from way back . . . maybe when I first began gamma brainwave biofeedback at the ADD Centre . . . not sure.)
I began to smell candles (I have none lit) as the session ended and hoped that didn’t mean my senses had become even more sensitive because that could tip me into being irritated by every stimulus. I felt quite somnolent after it ended like everything bright and more obvious but loathe to move. Still calm is better than feeling like I’m sped up as was the case with 40Hz session.
So this confirms that the SMR/gamma was good (partly?) because the gamma was variable, and the gamma 40Hz session staying at one frequency was why I got a headache and didn’t do well with it despite initial energy pop. It remains to see how the rest of my day unfolds, but this experience brings me one step closer to deciding on my final method.
Update 3:16pm: I think I have less inflammation all over. How can I tell when it isn’t nearly as obvious as years ago? Harder skull, harder forearms, meaning less water-spongy layers over my bones and muscles. I’m in like a Zen zone. Not really bothered about doing nothing yet when got up, got a couple small but essential things sorted. Not anxious about the fact that SARSCoV2 may be on a delivery box but still being vigilant with cleaning what I removed and hand washing, up the whazoo.
Update 4:46pm: For about an hour, I’ve been in this Zen-like calm state, yet inexplicably without any effort or self-encouragement, just got up, made myself some hot chocolate, sat down at the computer, and began typing the post that’s been rattling around in my head for a week. Some of the post I couldn’t have written until now, but most of it, I’d already been thinking about but had no motivation or ability to write it. Is this motivation? No, I think this is the initiation GO button being turned on in the deep recesses of my brain. It’s a relief to finally write!
Update 8:01pm: Like the other gamma sessions, this one began to wear off about 4 hours after it ended. Some aspects diminish quicker than others, and I’m still pretty Zenned despite some bad stuff processing underneath in the way my injured brain processes bad stuff like the unsurprising national and PBO COVID-19 modelling. I found myself making the call about 5 hours post-session, the bill payment one I’d been putting off because I dread sitting on hold and had been irritated by their automated calls that didn’t connect me to billing. But today, being on hold for 15 minutes, didn’t bother me. And I felt I could handle eating chocolate toast and strolling through Twitter while I waited and not lose the call. Whoa! The feedback I received from my neurodoc was that I was more positive and brighter, given the milieu of continuing crappiness. So I’m going to try this again tomorrow, see if this strange-to-me Zen-like blissed out state can be replicated or was a one off.
