Seventeen Years with a Brain Injury

Published Categorised as Personal, Internet and Computers

A Twitter of a crash anniversary blog post this year. Mocha in one hand, croissant flaking all over me, and iPhone in the other, for over an hour, I tweeted:

17 years. Creeping up to 20. Hard to believe this time 17 years ago, I had less than 3 hours to live without a #braininjury .

A series of unfortunate events that ordinary day was 17 years ago unbeknownst to me. Here is a series of without #braininjury tweets.

Without #braininjury I could go to the AGO to see the mystical landscapes. And I’d have friends or hubby wanting to go with me.

Without #braininjury I could organize, gussy up for, attend, and have a blast at a party.

Without #braininjury I’d be going to see a movie weekly (though w the offerings these days maybe not) enjoy and REMEMBER it!

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have to take Cogmed. I had a photographic memory & a trapdoor working memory. When they failed, I was lost.

Ramryge angels at Gloucester Cathedral, England

Brain injury grief is

extraordinary grief

research proves

needs healing.

Without #braininjury I never would have needed brain biofeedback, audiovisual entrainment, cranioelectrical stim, laser therapy.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have discovered loyalty is for the birds and trumpeter swans, talk of being there like downburst: here gone.

Without #braininjury I’d still have my full sense of humour. Laughter wouldn’t have become a stranger: strange to understand, strange in me.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have learnt emotions are essential to thinking. Emotions assist clarity & speed of thought. Who knew!

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have learnt one’s reputation is entirely in other people’s hands so fuggetabout it.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have sold my film camera. I probably would’ve joined @Flickr though.

Without #braininjury I wldn’t have learnt point ‘n shoot photography can be fun. I wldn’t have developed a shoot-see-what-appears technique.

Without #braininjury I’d still be in the thick of fractious family and family politics. Maybe it’s a blessing not to be…

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have met some very interesting, kind, caring, intelligent ppl – some sans concussion.

Without #braininjury I probably wldn’t have returned to the passions of my youth – brain & psychology – except thru writing. How ironic.

Without #braininjury I wldn’t be this open. Self-control, self-contained me. Losing it so freeing. But ppl prefer controlled.

Without #braininjury I wldn’t’ve learnt how fed up, bored ppl get w TBI healing time & want I meet their need to not kn, not my need to heal

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have reached the limits of my persistence.

Without #braininjury I’d be reading mysteries, high brow & how-to books, 3 newspapers, magazines on cooking, science, politics, gardening…

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have lost my ability to write short stories. But I wouldn’t have written my novels either.

Without #braininjury my piano wouldn’t be silent. But it would be really cluttered still.

Without #braininjury my life would still be noisy, chaotically busy energetically noisy, not silent and under the rule of fatigue.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have met the people shut away from society in day programs so docs wldn’t have to learn how to heal neurons.

Without #braininjury I’d probably have joined Twitter earlier and forever be dealing w ppl IRL grumpy about it. At least spared latter.

Without #braininjury I’d have written, published LIFELINER years earlier. It would have been a very different book. But better??! Maybe not.

Without #braininjury I’d still have hope. Maybe I do…

Without #braininjury I mayn’t’ve learnt how different I am frm family in blowing past bounds of accepted medical thinking to find recovery.

Without #braininjury I wldn’t’ve discovered an area where choosing NOT to heal a life-changing injury is accepted & imposed medical practice

Without #braininjury I wldn’t have experienced ppl giving up on me, of comparing me to others unfavourably, of fighting me on my recovery.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have learnt what my IQ is (not really essential 2kn pre-TBI). And how much brain biofeedback can restore it.

Without #braininjury I wouldn’t have fully understood the Book of Job. https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/61372

Without #braininjury I’d have a very different life. Would it be better? I don’t know. But at least I’d still be able to read, work in flow.

Without #braininjury I’d still know the insurance industry is rife with fraud by insurers and docs via IMEs are complicit. #onpoli

Ppl say appreciate their catastrophic injuries,wldn’t change. Not sure abt that 4me! But without #braininjury I’d be poorer in understanding

Without #braininjury I wldn’t’ve learnt how the DSM is used to constrain knowledge of the brain & its injury & so prevent recovery. #hcsmca

Without #braininjury I think I still would have seen how the gratitude movement is used to deny the existence & thus healing of suffering.

Without #braininjury I doubt my measles-damaged vision would have returned. So there is that! #eyesurgery

—/—

Seventeen years . . . Wow. I can’t quite believe it. I’ve come so far, yet I’m so far from what my goal of complete recovery was in early 2001, a mere six months after my diagnosis of closed head injury. I doubt now it’s possible but know more recovery is possible than what the medical experts still peddle to too many today.

My Duck logo walking on my books in pink and blue shading.

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