Pain layered on like sheets of sharp pressure all over my scalp, neck, shoulders under the influence of pressure changes in the air; a thunderstorm threatens. Yet my muscle tension was back to normal, below 2, during this week’s brain biofeedback session.
That might have been from the residual effect of the accidental gamma training last week and my neurodoc taking a more cautious approach as well. I found that the days following the gamma training were still difficult, yet the edge was off. I was able to cope easier.
Which was a good thing.
Change is hard for humans. We are made to adapt; our brains are neuroplastic and will adjust to changing environments, health, people, etc. Yet paradoxically we find change emotionally uncomfortable. We resist any kind of change in order to avoid the discomfort of simultaneous loss and excitement that change brings. That’s true whether change is positive or negative. People (I would hazard those unfamiliar with the experience of long-term illness, injury, or trauma) don’t realize that it isn’t just bad change like a divorce, lost job, a death, or injury, that can throw one. A good change can too, like being told last week that I was going to be discharged from physical therapy next month because my mobility had improved to the point that I can work on it and my strength on my own.
Good news, right?
Absolutely. But after going there since 2011, I’ll miss them. I’ll miss the comfort factor of someone keeping an eye on my muscles. I’ll miss the routine — and you know how important routine is to one’s sense of being grounded and being able to function to a person with a brain injury. Yet at the same moment I know that this is the first discharge since my brain injury that is happening because I’ve improved — as opposed to running out of money, exhaustion, or the health care person can no longer help me — and that’s exciting. The dichotomy between these two emotions is why positive change is tough too.
Anyway, by next month I’m sure I’ll be ready and will leave my last session with a grin.
This week in brain biofeedback we’re back to proper SMR training at C4. I wasn’t too unhappy about that because my brain was busy with absorbing more change with the ADD Centre’s office restructuring almost done. The smaller space is something I’ll have to get used to. And with more spaces to train people in come new clients. Someone was sitting in my chair when I arrived! The horror! Usually the client before me is in the other room, and so I can go into the front one and settle myself. No such luck this time with two clients now being trained, and one having to use the room I train in. Plus there was another trainer. No longer just me and my trainer in the office. Maybe all this change is why my busy brain was odd today, going up and down.
The Toronto office is becoming busier. No surprise to me, really. I’ve been hoping they could serve more people, but do they have to do it when I’m there? Yup! Ha!!
