Numbers don't tell the whole story. They may stubbornly keep dropping then rising then dropping, yet improvements blossom in the brain.
A big one for me last week.
It dawned on me all of a sudden that I may be able to organize an event. It's not that I haven't tried since my brain injury, it’s that I got kerfuffled quickly, was unable to solve or even think through the inevitable problems that cropped up, and needed to rely heavily on others.
In fact, it was when I decided to organize an event 5.5 years after my injury and quickly got overwhelmed, that for the first time I really understood that I couldn't problem solve, I couldn’t even solve the tiny, annoying, everyday problems that crop up in the normal course of a workday. How was I going to be able to work again if I couldn't problem solve, never mind make simple decisions, I asked myself? The usual traditional medical model strategies were not working. At all.
And so I began looking again for real treatment. That's when I found the ADD Centre and brain biofeedback.
Still, being able to organize a party like I used to do with ease before my injury remained out of reach.
Until last week.
Suddenly — in the way of brain healing — the possibility existed that maybe I could.
It came just in time, for if I want a book launch party for Concussion is Brain Injury, I'm the one who has to organize it. No one else will. (The publisher's marketing person is providing invaluable guidance and tips.)
I'm back to being highly stressed this week (really, we'll all be shocked if I have a week of low stress), and there was no hiding it from the trainer, for my heart was back to doing its wonky brady- and tachycardia thing. At least the dips and peaks weren't as bad as the last time it happened. Or as frequent. As soon as the trainer saw my HRV on the computer screen she knew my stress level was 8 or 9 (out of 10) and decided she didn't need to ask me! I confirmed it with her anyway at the end of our session. Thankfully, as usual, the gamma brainwave biofeedback lowered my stress level a bit, enough to feel like I could cope with the rest of the day.
On a related note, I can't seem to get some people to understand that with brain injury, the biggest problem is not the how of doing something (though that must be remembered and/or relearned oftentimes), it's the being able to think through without huge amounts of effort and without the consequent mind-numbing exhaustion, being able to cope, being able to make a decision, being able to have some modicum of emotional control. And when people, especially medical professionals, refuse to listen, learn, and understand, it makes it that much harder because then I have to figure it out on my own. I am grateful that this new biofeedback seems to be doing the work of medical care by healing my brain and giving me those cognitive skills back. Even if not right now, it’s started to give me hope that it will.
My results to date:
|Date||Baseline||HRV||Fdbk 1||Fdbk 2||SMIRB||Fdbk 3||HRV|
|4 Jul||0.85 30s||0.91||0.94||0.898||0.90||0.84 EC|
|25 Jul||0.96 30s||1.03||1.02||1.01||0.97||1.02 EC|
|3 min||10 min|
|28 Aug||0.98||0.98||0.986||0.92||0.97||0.934||0.93 EC|
|Fdbk 1||Fdbk 2||Fdbk 3||SMIRB||Reading|