I told my neurodoc I felt like my reading rehab had stagnated. Yeah, I still get headaches after reading a couple of long paragraphs out loud, using my finger to guide me. But if I take the time and remember to take three deep breaths between paragraphs, I can reduce or slow down the onset. I am reading faster, I’m pretty sure. And my biofeedback trainer who does timed readings with me, has noted I am recalling faster — with her sitting beside me, timing me, I read each paragraph out loud, then I follow each paragraph by me telling her what it was about before moving on to the next one. I’ve noted before that it’s easier to read in the company of another. It’s like their good energy supports you. (There is far more to learn about how we as social animals can prosper and heal when in the presence of other human beings. Our society has harmed us by its insistence on people going it alone and its worship of busy-ness, which is in complete contradiction to our biology. But I digress.)
And so I felt ready to up the challenge.
I didn’t expect my neurodoc to up the game in the way he did though.
He talked to me about three articles he’d read; then he said he would think about and get back to me with the details on which one to read. When he did, he gave me the newspaper, title, and author of two of the three articles and told me to decide which one to read.
Uhhh . . .
Gulp.
Did I mention that the whole reason he picks the articles for me to read is my decision making is so poor that any time I finished one many-times-read-and-forgotten book, I would take two weeks or more to choose another one to read?
Time to work on your decision making, he said.
Bummer.
But okay.
I can do this.
I had had an idea he might when he talked to me about the three. I had mulled over which one appealed to me the most. And so when he called me to quickly give me the information, I was able to decide which one to read.
And I’ve been second guessing my decision ever since. I’ve been saying to myself, okay, I’ll read this one, then I’ll read the next one. That’s not how decision making works, Shireen! You decide on one and stick to it. And like it!!
Yeah, yeah. Maybe I’ll read the other one, then.
Sigh.
I chose an article on new yacht technology being used and failing in ocean racing versus an obit on the chicken man who managed boxers.
Did I choose right?
No, don’t tell me! I’m supposed to be okay with my decision — to make it, be happy with it, be confident in it, and not remain mired in the decision making process. Once a decision is made, it’s made, right? Right!
Ummm . . .
