May 072013

What gamma giveth, LORETA taketh. I doubt this would happen if I didn't have PTSD and the bad memories weren't pouring out like a faucet stuck in the open position as LORETA improves my memory thus inadvertently countering the happy gamma effects.

It probably didn't help that in the PZ-O1 position, the what-I-call happy gamma effects weren't as strong as when done in the CZ position, until this week that is. What a relief to experience that effect again. Not only could I feel the PTSD triggers receding under the soothing waters of gamma, but I could also feel the desire to write increase gradually. I am drafting this post on the subway, and I didn't have to make myself do it.

So does this mean I should write after a session of gamma brainwave biofeedback and before LORETA neurofeedback (the latter is followed by a session with my neurodoc poking at the bad stuff too)? Should I switch my writing times to when I'm not drowning in triggers and memories? Yet how can I write when I'm fatigued from the therapy and schedule? On the other hand, LORETA seems to be increasing my energy once the added fatigue from the actual work goes away. So maybe I will be able to. Who knows!

The problem isn't the memories per se, I don't think. At the time of the remembered events my emotions were shut off because of the brain injury. I'd maybe have a burst of emotion but then bounce right back into neutral-don't-care mode. Even though my emotions began to return when I started brain biofeedback back in 2005 (and boy, wasn't that fun — not), I guess I didn't process them properly. Is that why I'm reliving those things with the emotions attached that I should have felt at the time but didn’t? Anyway, at least in the moment I was drafting this post, it felt like gamma enhancement had soothed and smoothed all that. Relief.